Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
