Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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