I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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