my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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