So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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