We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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