It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
