So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
