ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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