Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
