Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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