Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
