Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
