I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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