The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
