Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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