She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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