You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
