The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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