he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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