in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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