See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
