She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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