I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
