We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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