Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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