no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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