he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
