bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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