So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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