Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
