I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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