Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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