I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
