I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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