Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We left the knife in your bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
