I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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