I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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