blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
