I need to stop coming to work sober
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
