You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
