maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
