Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have fence marks all over my body
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
