Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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