I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
