Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
