"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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