Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
