My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
