Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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